deflated souffle

so i haven't posted in awhile. big suprise there, eh?   anyways, i'm depressed again. i don't quite know why completely. though i have a good idea. its CAPT week too, so i am mentally and physically (due to gym class) exhausted. and next week we start swimming in gym class. ugh. -bitch bitch bitch- a person i feel that i need most right now isn't online. hes idle. fuck muffin.   mm food allusions. and i haven't been able to write any poetry that is halfway decent. and by halfway decent i mean the best fucking stuff i've ever written. ever.

....AND CANCER TOO!

long time no post, eh

today is my dog's bday.

so we all get cake. :'D

and later i am going to get new buttons for a supa-coo' shirt-thing.

i gotta call my orthodontist. i dun wanna. D;

but i haves valentinesss~

x3

yey.

chocolate cookies~

:'D

i'm no longer irritable~!

and i made cookies last night.

and i finished part one essay thing for my AP composition application. now all i have to do is edit my short story and write the essay that accompanies that.

yey~

all of this being due monday.

i'm doing laundry right now too.

i'm not supposed to be on the computer though...ohwell.

brb.

butt-muffins

for two weeks. two fucking weeks.

i have been irritable. i don't know why, i don't know how. it just happend.

i'm failing myself in this, i guess. and i can already hear ping telling me that i can be so much more. its harder though, once you start to fail. its like walking in molasses, you get used to the flavor of defeat and it sticks to you so much that its hard to pull yourself out. and you end up tryign to smear others with it, others who deserve to be treated like gold.

and i am so stressed right now.

but i suppose it is good that i push certain people away, i wouldn't want them to be online for me forever.

i don't feel like i can do anything right.

erg

:/

i realized today that i live in a house full of people who hate eachother.

and i feel so alone right now and so sorry and so bad.